You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

True confession: I was afraid to live on my own. I never had. I went from college to my marriage with two weeks in between.

Why was I afraid? I don’t know, except I had never done it and I know people tend to fear the unknown. Lots of women in previous generations share my experience (or lack thereof.) It’s kind of strange to be That Woman, but I was.

I was telling one of my professors that I was moving into my own apartment and feeling nervous. Maybe even anxious.

“Why? Did you ever think you might like it?”

Wow. That was like a splash of cold water.

What if it was lonely? What if I couldn’t pay the rent? I had a million questions, but never had I thought ‘what if I love it?’

Needless to say, I was a fool.

When you live alone, you can adjust the temperature to your own liking. You can eat whenever you want. You can play the music or movie of your choice. It feels almost decadent. You can walk around buck naked and no one cares. It is honestly amazing. What was I afraid of?

If I am lonely, I call a friend. So far, I have been able to pay rent too.

I continue to learn about myself through my fears. None of my fears are justified and the only way to overcome them is to step out in faith. Sure, I have no clue what lies ahead, in my long drives or my new situations. Who does? But that is where faith is necessary. Step out anyway. That is the only way to exercise that faith. In fact, faith is not necessary if we have the answer to everything.

In stepping out of my comfort zone, I have diminished my fears and simultaneously grown my faith. I still don’t know if I can pay my rent, but I am continuing in faith, trusting that I can.

So far, so good.

By Catstrav

Reindeer handler. NDT tech. Mother of four. Aspiring astronaut.